I can't remember a time when I was in shape and my correct weight, especially if you go past early childhood.  At some level, American society, growing up in the 80's (when ketchup was a vegetable!), my parents, etc. probably can be blamed for starting that, but free will kicks in eventually.  Even with bad information, I've mad plenty of choices on the bad side when I damn well knew better.  Highschool is when it really went downhill, because I wasn't athletic, and frankly, I really loved me some Chef Boyardee and Hot Pockets.  And don't get me started on Banquet chicken.  I still can't eat that shit due to the amount I used to eat as a teenager.

Well, fast forward a ways, and the highest weight that I've ever caught myself at is around 250 lbs.  Note that I'm barely 5'7",  so that's an assload of weight to carry on these knees.  I think the worst of it actually came when I didn't have a car or money, because it's cheaper to eat like crap, I didn't have a ton of time on my hands during the week, and it's really hard to avoid that Crackdonald's by the bus stop on the way home when your blood sugar is all wacky.  Those habits didn't die hard when I did get a car, because then I could afford to eat out more, and that I definitely did.

At some point, a girl I was trying to get with flat out told me that my weight was a huge turnoff.  It's rude, but note that we were friends at the time, and are still great friends.  I knew I was overweight, since I was minutes away from shopping in Big and Tall for my pants, and it sure as hell wasn't for the tall part.  I just hadn't really heard it from anyone quite like that.  It's sad to know that I did it all for a woman, but it was as good an excuse as any.  Also, to give this mystery woman a bit more credit, she encouraged me to join her gym, and we were workout buddies for quite a while.  I also slowly improved my diet, and while I didn't know exactly what I was doing at the time, even the haphazard stuff helped out a lot.

After losing a good 30 pounds by going to the gym and eating better, albeit haphazardly, I met a girl that I did get with, and am still with.  My dieting and exercise since then has been a bit up and down, but at one point, I was going at it pretty hardcore.  Eventually, I managed to drop just under 200 lbs., bringing my total up to a good fifty pounds.  Unfortunately, due to a combination of laziness, vacations, holidays, etc., it didn't stay off.  I shot back up over my hardest goal of 220, and have just finally beaten the beast back to just under 220.  It wasn't as hard to tame it this time, since I have better tools, but it hasn't been easy.

So yeah, I have 20 pounds to go, and I don't want to stop once I'm there.  I have at least three weddings to go to this year, and I'd like to be one seriously good looking motherfucker when I put my suit on.  I've done it before, and I can do it again, and then some.

I am the guy who paid off 50 grand in debt, and just this week officially paid off two cars (since the loan for one was continued into the second).  I am the guy who managed to make it through two years of walking and the bus[0].  I'm the guy the who dropped 50 pounds. 

I did these things.  My mistakes led to challenges.  My challenges made me stronger.  I may be soft on the outside, but I can be that guy again if I need to be.  I just know better than to bring it on myself this time.

I am powerful.  I need to remember that.

~EEE~

[0] I am aware that in a major city, especially on the East Coast, this is normal.  This is not the case in the 'burbs, where it is a serious car culture.